This is Enough!

A newsletter of gripes, grievances and grouses, for people who are fed up

Do you loathe the world and everything in it? Are you one of God’s most ungrateful creatures? Do you have to take deep breaths to stop yourself from losing your shit in the grocery store because someone parked their goddamn cart in the middle of the aisle instead of pulling it to the side? 🗣️ Congratulations, you’re one of us! 🎉 Humanity is sometimes good, but mostly it is terrible, and this is a place to bitch about it all.

ok so what is this?

Enough is a newsletter for complaints, gripes, grievances, and other thoughts that, if left unsaid, would consume my brain from the inside-out until I committed crimes. I don’t really want to commit crimes. So it’s better to just share my feelings here instead.

Mostly, I wanted a place where I could post my stupid (and sometimes deeply profound, life-changing) thoughts. And a newsletter is a fun way to reach my adoring public more personally. What’s more intimate than getting deep inside your inbox? Right next to your Amazon order confirmations and sales announcements from sham companies you looked at on Instagram once.

Every week’s newsletter will feature a handful of things that I’ve had enough of, like the egregious lack of bread baskets in today’s restaurants, or the fact that I’m just supposed to always be doing laundry, or the ever-rotating shit carousel of men who won’t text me back. (Apologies in advance for the amount of personal baggage I will absolutely be thrusting into every issue.)

To be clear, this is not yelling at the store manager because the cashier forgot to give me my $5 in Kohl’s cash complaining. It’s not tweeting at an airline complaining. This is complaining for the Greater Good.¹ This is a safe space to bitch about all the things we absolutely love to hate. Like the drippy noises my refrigerator makes while I’m trying to watch my shows. Or those candles that are supposed to smell like the ocean. What does the OCEAN even smell like, Yankee Candle? Piss and dead mermaid, that’s what.

but is this free?

Yes! Subscribing is free, even for people I hate. I may introduce a paid bonus version at some point, but that’ll be totally optional and only for people who are really cool, probably.

and who the heck am i?

If you’re new to me — Hi, I’m Matt! I’m a homosexual writer and performer who loves complaining. I once created a show called Whine About It for the now-defunct website BuzzFeed where I got drunk at my desk and complained about stuff. I hosted a podcast called Unhappy Hour where I complained into a microphone. And I even wrote a whole entire book called Everything Is Awful where I complained about my life for over 200 pages. Complaining! It’s what I do! It is therapy and entertainment and commiseration all in one. I also do stand-up comedy, and you can come see me complain in person in a city near you.

well what kinda stuff are you complaining about?

Everything, dear reader! Everything!

• The fact that one of my nostrils is always a little bit clogged.

• Ben Affleck’s psycho-sexual relationship with Dunkin’ Donuts.

• The stringy things on bananas.

• Yogurts that pretend to be cheesecake-flavored.

• The failed republic of Florida.

• People over 30 who make a big deal about their birthdays.

• The frosting-to-cake ratio on almost every cupcake.

• Couples that jog together.

• Soups as entrees.

• People who think the “!!” reaction is a sufficient text response.

• Writers who use the phrase “dear reader.”

• And everything else.

but why can’t you just be happy?

Why don’t you just shut up? If you’re some kinda raging optimist, then maybe this isn’t for you. Let the rest of us hate things!

Okay? Okay. Here’s to complaining!

1. The Greater Good being a world without cottage cheese and babies with names like Carlynn and soap that smells like lavender (because you know good and well that it doesn’t smell anything like lavender, it smells like bio-terrorism).